Coverdale and Elmer
by FWvidChick
Summary: Clark and Lois trading emails through the seasons. Showing off their growing friendship and then love, may end up including text messages too.
1. Beginnings

**Author: **FWVidChick (Jen)  
><strong>Pairings: <strong>Clois  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG to PG -13  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I own nothing (obviously) and I just enjoy writing it. Its called fandom.  
><strong>Theme:<strong> Humour and romance.**  
>Summary:<strong>Clark and Lois trading emails through the seasons. Showing off their growing friendship and then love, may end up including text messages too.

**Time Frame**: Through out the 10 seasons.

This fic is because of this picture of email titles between Clark and Lois and other ppl in the show, and the resulting discussion because of it. I plan to cover periods of time up to s10. Will update as it comes to me.

There is no AT email sign because ff won't allow it so u just see the beginning of their email address sadly. oh well. This fic is also posted on Kryptonsite as Clois Messages of Love and friendship (all one word with the AT sign)

Self edited..so forgive my mistakes.

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue: Between Cousins<strong>

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ chloetorch_

**SUBJECT: **Re: Why!

Chloe,

Okay, so I know that this cute boy you like is there but still Chlo, Smallville for gawd sakes! Its got to be the worst idea ever. I hope the general doesn't get it in his head to send me there for punishment when he finds out what I did. He doesn't even know I am here at the library to use the computers. I am surprised he isn't watching me closer, though after that last 'break out' maybe he gave up. Doubt it.

Anyway,  
>Chloe, I love you and don't want you to be miserable so if you tell me to find a way to rescue you. I will. But if you are happy than I'll let it be. But don't except me to come visit for long..hicksville is not my style.<p>

Love you always,  
>Lois<p>

ஐ

**FROM: **Chloe Sullivan  
><strong>TO:<strong> _isthisloveCoverdale_

**SUBJECT: **Re: Re: Why!

Lois!

I promise you I am fine. I've been here in Smallville for almost a year and a half now. I know you guys were off the radar for a bit, but believe me, if I was in a bad state I'd let you know. Besides I have more then just a cute guy going for me.. the Torch and amoung other things.

Also Cuz, I don't just like Clark.. I think I am in love with him. I mean I know everyone would say I am too young but I know what I feel. Clark is amazing, he is so pretty and yet not in a feminine way you know. He is just pretty..with beautiful eyes that seem as blue as the sky one minute and green like the sea the next. And his lips are soft.. got to kiss him once. But like the dork I am I told him it was to get it out of the way. Now I endure him watching this other girl. The girl he doesn't think I know that he practically stalks.. apparently he has since he was like a toddler or something.

Enough about me. So.. what did you do?

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ chloetorch_

**SUBJECT: **Under martial law!

The title of this email is exactly how it is right now between me and the General. Lucy is beyond lucky she is at boarding school. I can't even be bothered to keep doing this with the general you know. After the prom incident we are at def con one of silence and screams.

As for the last thing I did. I got into a fight. And when he grounded me I escaped (like I usually do) anyway, he didn't appreciate the fact that my reply to a certain pigheaded asinine boy was to punch his lights out. Apparently his dad is important.

I'm thinking as soon as I am legally allowed to leave of hitting the road. I love the General but if I don't go we are so gonna end up killing one another.

This Clark sounds cute. Though I think you should set your sights on someone a little less small town and a little more going places. You are a city girl Chloe... I won't tell you that you can't be in love, but be careful from what you said before he seems to have tunnel vision.

Love you,  
>Lois<p>

ஐ

**FROM: **Chloe Sullivan  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ isthisloveCoverdale_

**SUBJECT:**no subject

Lois,

I've got myself I think way over my head this time. Clark has always been there to help me.. don't know how he does it but I don't think he or any one else can this time. I didn't mean for it to get like this, but Lionel Luthor has it in for me. If something happens to me..dont let it go. Find Clark and find out, don't let Lionel win.

Please, Lois I am counting on you.

Love,  
>Chloe<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Beginnings<strong>..(first half of s4)

**FROM:** _isthisloveCoverdal_e  
><strong>TO:<strong> _Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT: **email

Clark,

Wow, I am surprised the email address was correct, didn't realize farmboy hicks could work a computer so well. Impressed.

Anyway, Here's my email address like you asked, don't lose it now. No comments on the name either Elmer, I know about your little obsession with a certain cartoon hunter..don't forget.

Lois.

ஐ

**FROM:** Elmerfudd  
><strong>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdal_e**  
><strong>

**SUBJECT:**Re: email

Thanks Lois,

I am so please you're 'impressed'.

I don't have an obsession, by the way. I was little when I got the nightlight and other looney toon paraphernalia. As for the email address your cousin helped me decide. It was the one I liked out of the choices that came up.

Coverdale who, what, or where is that?

- Clark

ஐ

**FROM: **_isthisloveCoverdal_e  
><strong>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_  
><strong>SUBJECT:<strong>email

Hahaha, Oh Clarkie..

David Coverdale is only the lead singer of the most awesome band ever! Haven't you heard of Whitesnake? See now I know what we are going to be doing this weekend. Time to give you a crash course in real music rather that country stuff you listen to now.

Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_

**SUBJECT:**No way!

Lois,

We are not listening to anything this weekend. Isn't it enough you hijacked my bedroom? now you want to put me through that. No, thank you!  
>Don't call me Clarkie.<p>

- CLARK

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> _Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT: **Sorry..

Sorry!.. Sorry, I rock and you definitely drool. Come on farmer John, just admit you like the music and I'll quit playing it. Well I won't play it so loudly. I know you like it, I heard you singing the lyrics to 'here I go again' this morning at breakfast.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_

**SUBJECT: **no subject

Lois, I was only singing it because its been stuck in my head for three days.. THREE days. You..there aren't even words for you. Also the barn loft is MY Space. I go there to think, not hear ballads.

And what are we doing? Talking in email when we argued about this over breakfast. I'll see you after school I suppose..

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> _Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT: **Re: no subject

Smallville,

You don't think in the loft you brood or mope, how ever one wishes to view it. And yes, you did see me after school and I caught you again mumbling words to a white snake song. If you just admit you like them I will stop playing them for a bit.. I promise.

I like this form of communication with you. What I find interesting is the fact you keep responding to me! I think its another one of those things you enjoy and won't cop to.. tsk tsk Clarkie..

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>__isthisloveCoverdal_e_**  
><strong>

**SUBJECT: **no more.

You only like it because you know it irritates me. Again I was singing the words because you keep playing the music over and over.

This is the last time we are exchanging emails while you live in MY bedroom. I only wanted your email incase it was ever needed for an emergency or something.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane **  
>TO:<strong> _Elmerfudd__  
><em>  
><strong>SUBJECT:<strong>Re: no more.

Fine.  
>Oh and YOU have no sense of humour.<p>

ஐ / ஐ

(continued soon)


	2. The Disturbing Subject

I got half of the next update done, was gonna wait and post it all but I think I'll just give you this section of emails now. the rest sometime this weekend, depending on my never ending migraines.

Self edited, so forgive. please..  
><strong><br>S4 Continued... **

* * *

><p><strong>The disturbing subject..<strong>

**FROM: **Lois Lane**  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT:** Hey!

Hey Smallville,

How does it feel to have your bed back? Hopefully I didn't leave any drool stains, according to the General its a Lane trait.

Oh, don't get your boxers all twisted in a bunch. I know you are. I can picture you scowling now, so wipe it off. I'm only emailing you because you said we could continue these exchanges once I no longer lived in YOUR room.

-Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**Re: Hey

I didn't mean that we could continue trading emails just because you moved out. Only that I wouldn't talk to you through them when you lived with me, we'd end up having the same discussions in person anyway.

By the way, my boxers didn't get in a bunch. Despite what you believe, Lois, I don't freak because I see an email from you.

Also you do realize, Lois, that most people wouldn't admit to drooling. Besides it doesn't matter, my mom washed the bedding when you left.

- Clark

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT: **It makes me wonder..

Is the remark on most people and admitting to drooling suppose to upset me? Please.. I think you forgot I'm not most people. I see no reason to be squeamish over it.

What I find interesting is the lack of porn I found in your room. Now that is something to be squeamish about..especially for you. I could so picture it if your mom cleaned your room and found some, but we both know she doesn't snoop.

The lack of it leads me to believe you have a stash hidden in the barn loft, as you said its YOUR space. Why so shy? You are after all a guy..If I didn't know any better I'd say you were batting for the other team. So this leaves the boy scout complex you have.

Care to enlighten me Smallville?

- Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**STOP wondering!

Why do you even want to know if I have a porn stash? And if and I mean IF I did why would I tell you. I'd sooner tell Chloe or my mom then I'd tell you.

I don't have a boyscout complex just because I don't act like you. Or have a porn stash hidden in my bedroom for the world to find.

ஐ

**FROM: Lois Lane  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT:** PORN!

Aww.. did I hit a sore point Clarkie? A bit defensive about your boyscout training? And I mean training in a totally complex way

Why wouldn't I want to know about your porn stash. Seriously, Smallville, its not as if I've never seen porn before, besides I worry about you sometimes. I'd like to know that you aren't totally a lost cause.

Also was that an admittance to having porn or not? I'm inclined to think you do but its really well hidden and probably leaves you feeling so guilty that you rarely look at it. Once again the boy scout complex.

- Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale  
><strong>SUBJECT:<strong> LOIS!

Why did you have to title that PORN! Chloe had to be behind me at the time I checked my emails. Thanks for that!

I am not discussing whether or not I have porn with you. Not doing it! And what do you mean a lost cause?

-Clark

PS. I'm not defensive about being a 'boy scout'.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT: **boy scout training

You're welcome, I figured Chloe could do with a good laugh.

I'll drop the porn discussion for now. Mostly because I think its funny that you say your not defensive about being a boy scout and yet you are.

Thinking about it here are all the reasons you are a boyscout and why it leaves you to guilty to enjoy your well hidden porn stash. Sorry I lied..I am bringing it back up.

1. You can't keep a secret to save your life.. You actually admitted to your parents about the helicopter. How dumb was that?

2. You are way to nice to people even when they are rude to you. You do realize Smallville you don't have to keep it all bottled up. You can get mad at people.

3. You act like everything is your fault when it has nothing to do with you or is beyond your control. Sometimes crap just happens.

4. Most teen boys your age are busy looking a girl over, not that you don't but you definitely have a guilt complex. For goodness sakes Clark.. its perfectly natural to check someone out and even have porn. Not that I am saying it isn't ew (extremely so) but still.

As for the lost cause.. you so are thanks to your Lana lenses.

Please tell me where your stash is! I don't have to see it. I just wanna know, and I bet its a boob one..you are so a breast guy!

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **Re: boy scout training

I really don't know Lois whether to be insulted by your list or just amazed at the level of attention you've given me.

I have had my non 'boy scout' moments as you would say. I am just not going to talk to you about them. And I don't have Lana lenses on. I do notice other girls, Thank you!

IF I had a porn stash you'd never find it nor would I ever tell you. I find it disturbing your persistence on this subject.

ஐ

**FROM: Lois Lane  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT:** no subject

I would argue it on you noticing other girls, but I've caught you checking me out. Don't deny it.. and of course you love the twins. Which I take as a compliment. I'm quite proud of them myself..all natural.

Its not disturbing Clark to want to get to know someone, besides it was just a question. All you have to say is "Yes Lois, I have a porn collection and it is..." and I'll leave you alone. Not another word on it.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:** Re: no subject

I don't think you know the meaning of leaving something alone. I still find it disturbing and I am not discussing it further. Also Lois, please don't email pictures with those kind of titles. I don't want to be banned from school computer use because of the mislabeling.

Oh Lois, I thought the idea of me checking you out was disgusting? Anytime you think you've caught me doing it , which I am not saying I have, you have pulled faces or made remarks. So really you are telling me you would like it if I were to check you out ..now that is what I find interesting!

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> _Elmerfudd_

**SUBJECT: **!

THAT is not what I meant, I do not like it! Why would you even think that? .. I just am proud of my body. Thank you!

ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ

* * *

><p>Comments are like cookies..feed me!<p> 


	3. Skipping, Stalking, and Wooing

**A/N: **More of S4.. the Lois at college set. This is still only part of what I have planned for s4 but I had some rethinking to do for the rest of them.

Thanks again so much for the suggestions. In this set I include a subject inspired by **Malfts **suggestion on Lois giving Clark advice. It does not finish with this set..it just begins here :D Which will lead to a few other suggestions soon :)

As usual self edited and my head throbs so I am sure I missed something.

**I use ஐ to help keep the spacing between emails because of the way fanfic wants to bunch everything together.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Previously...<strong>_

FROM:

_Clark Kent  
><em>_**TO:**__isthisloveCoverdale_

_**SUBJECT:**__Re: no subject  
><em>

_I don't think you know the meaning of leaving something alone. I still find it disturbing and I am not discussing it further. Also Lois, please don't email pictures with those kind of titles. I don't want to be banned from school computer use because of the mislabeling._

_Oh Lois, I thought the idea of me checking you out was disgusting? Anytime you think you've caught me doing it , which I am not saying I have, you have pulled faces or made remarks. So really you are telling me you would like it if I were to check you out ..now that is what I find interesting!_

ஐ

_**FROM:**__Lois Lane  
><em>_**TO:**__Elmerfudd_

_**SUBJECT: **__!_

_THAT is not what I meant, I do not like it! Why would you even think that? .. I just am proud of my body. Thank you! _

* * *

><p><strong>Skipping, Stalking, and Wooing<strong>

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent**  
>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: !

Proud of your body? That is your excuse? Okay, so let's say I did check you out, which I am not admitting too. But let's say I did.. does that mean you've been secretly enjoying it? I think it does.

I see the word 'proud', in this insistence,as a code for 'please Clark check me out some more'. And now that I rarely see you, which by the way I am enjoying. You've been deprived of the attention. Is this the real reason you wish to know about my imaginary porn stash?

Clark :D

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent**  
>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>You alive?

You suddenly have gone very quiet. My last email was just a joke Lois. .. You gonna come visit this weekend? Chloe mentioned it. See you then if you do.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane**  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: You alive?

Smallville,  
>You are way to sensitive. I've been really busy which is why I didn't respond.<br>And please don't go and get a big head. You checking me out, which you have, is not anything more then an occasional annoyance. Your like a fly I swat at, nothing more.

Yes, I am coming down on Friday after my classes. Please tell me you are going to be busy with farm chores or spying on Lana.

BTW Clarkie that stash is no where near imaginary. You and I both know it.. ;) I bet its stuffed at the bottom of one of those chests you have up in the loft. Probably under a stack of sports mags and school papers.

- Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent**  
>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: Re: You alive?

Busy? Sure Lois, I recall Chloe saying that you've skipped a few classes. So what are you doing with your time that takes you away from both responding to your email and showing up for class?

And I am not going to be spying on Lana. We're not together and I'm to busy with football practice, unlike some. Lois, please leave off the porn stash. It doesn't exist and stay out of the chests in the barn, they are private.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane**  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Touchy!

I skipped class ONE day..one day and Chloe is making it sound like a regular occurrence. If you must know it had to do with women stuff.. It was painful and well gory to be honest. I bet that makes you blush doesn't it? Aww.. Poor Smallville. So innocent, to afraid to look at his hidden err sorry 'private' porn or deal with grown up matters. The world doesn't revolve around footballs and Lana you know.

You know what I think? I think you missed me emailing you. Couldn't go more then a few days without hearing from little me. Well now don't worry there. I won't leave you again for to long Clark. Lois will save you from your life of stalking and farm chores.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent**  
>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>no subject

I have taken biology and sex education, Lois. I'm not convinced that was your only time or reason to miss a class. Its not how Chloe worded it. Of course she didn't mention the 'women stuff' but it was implied more then once that you skipped.

I don't stalk, Lois, nor do I need you to save me from anything. You didn't email me back because you do like me checking you out. Its why you can't give a straight answer on skipping classes.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane**  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>so...

Did you just admit to checking me out? I knew it! You do, and wow I can only congratulate you on being part of the normal species of men. Give you a few years and you might even learn to woo a girl and get a little farm of your own or at the rate you're going you might have perfected those so called non existent stalker skills.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent**  
>TO:<strong> _isthisloveCoverdale_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: so...

I didn't admit to it. You are taking it out of context and you know it. The point was you miss the idea that I do and that is why you can't let go of the porn issue or anything else you've been obsessing about over me :D

I don't know need your help to 'woo' anyone. However, Lois, I'd be happy to help you with the basics of showing up for class. I know you had the difficulty attending classes at Smallville High, I can only imagine how hard it is there at college.

*ஐ*

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ chloetorch_  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>What did you say?

Chloe,

What did you say to Clark? He seems to think I've been doing major class ditching. Why did you even say anything? What happened to the trust between cousins?  
>I love you but I am so making you pay for this when I come down this weekend.<p>

- Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Chloe Sullivan  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ isthisloveCloverdale _  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: What did you say?

Lois,

I didn't say anything. Not like you think I did. I think Clark must have over heard the phone conversation we had last Thursday. When I got off the phone he did ask who I was talking to and now I understand the smirking he was doing. Lois I am so sorry, I shall be more careful when around him. What does he know?

Love, Chloe

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>_chloetorch_  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: Re: What did you say?

Just that I missed some classes and I gave him a line on it being about women's stuff which is partially true. He is hounding me! I knew the innocent face he pulls was a lie. Some how I am gonna make him pay for this.

Be more careful Chloe!

Love from your frustrated Cousin,  
>Lois<p>

ஐ

**FROM: **Chloe Sullivan  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ isthisloveCloverdale _  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: Re: Re: What did you say?

He's been looking mighty pleased with himself. I do have to wonder, Lois if there is more to this then you finding it 'frustrating' on his eavesdropping. Is there something else you're not telling me?

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>_ chloetorch_  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>no

Why would there be anything else? The plaid man is just getting on my last nerves as he usually does. Nothing else.

ஐ

**FROM: **Chloe Sullivan  
><strong>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCloverdale _  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: no

Okay Cuz, if you say so. Well I know you are more then capable of dealing with him, just leave him in one piece will ya. He is my best friend.

*ஐ*

**FROM: **Lois Lane**  
>TO: <strong>_Elmerfudd_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: Re: so..

-I didn't admit to it. You are taking it out of context and you know it. The point was you miss the idea that I do and that is why you can't let go of the porn issue or anything else you've been obsessing about over me :D

I don't know need your help to 'woo' anyone. However, Lois, I'd be happy to help you with the basics of showing up for class. I know you had the difficulty attending classes at Smallville High, I can only imagine how hard it is there at college. -

Well look who thinks he's got it all figured out. You teach me? That will be the day.. what would your first lesson be "Plaid wearing for Dummies?" Sorry, Smallville, but my class attendance is just fine and no concern of yours.

Personally, I think you don't want to admit to needing help to 'woo' because you know you couldn't handle the lessons of Professor Lane. I am just to hot to handle. I shouldn't have offered really, it would probably scar your innocent farm boy naiveties to learn what women really want.

Which by the way isn't stalking or eavesdropping.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent**  
>TO: <strong>_isthisloveCoverdale_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>?

What do you mean eavesdropping? And I don't stalk.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane**  
><strong>**TO: **_Elmerfudd_**  
>SUBJECT: <strong>Re: ?

Oh lets just say my investigating skills came into play Smallville. Did you really think I wouldn't ask Chloe about what she apparently said about me skipping classes?

It turns out you not only like to watch neighbor girls through your telescope but enjoy listening on phone calls. Maybe your not as innocent as you look.

In that case, this weekend, expect some lessons. Attendance is mandatory.

- Professor Lois Lane

P.S. There is no where you can run. :D

ஐ/ ஐ

Like? Hate? Comments are Cookies.. you know the drill.. FEED ME (lol)


	4. Professor Lane and Astronomy

**A/N:**I am sorry for the time it took to get to this. I decided to go ahead and finish what I needed for this set before finishing other updates. Hope you enjoy. Kinda worried its not as good as the last set. As usual forgive my editing.

* * *

><p><strong>Season 4 continues..<strong>

**Professor Lane and Astronomy**

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **tsk tsk

Now, Smallville while I do consider you to be a dork, I've never taken you for a wuss. But you failed to show up for lessons by Professor Lane. I had a very special class planned out for you. So now I am going to have to give it to you via email..as I said before, you can't escape me. Not only do I know where you live, have your email address, but your best friend is my cousin. This means you keep ignoring me and I'll bring her into this.. do you really want us both involved?

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **no subject

Lois, I told you when you first arrived I had practice. Not to mention other things to do then receive lessons I don't need from you.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Liar Liar pants on fire

Wow, what a line Clark. I almost believed you on the practice except I've seen your arm in action. Throwing a football yards right through a tire swing, like it took no effort. So this tells me the other things you were doing were probably stalking Lana, following Chloe around, and generally just avoiding me. Oh and don't give me the farm chores line.

I have an assignment for you. Expect an email soon and if you don't open it I will hurt you in ways you can't even imagine

With Love,

Lois

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**Re: Liar Liar pants on fire

I wasn't avoiding you, I did have other things come up along with practicing. I'm not afraid of Professor Lane. And threatening me then ending it with 'with love' doesn't work Lois.

Oh, her gift has been sorted like we agreed.

Not a student of Professor Lane,

Clark

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**PROJECT

You are a student and you know it. So now what can Professor Lane teach farm boy Clarkie.. Hmm.

Welcome to the _Wooing a girl (that's not Lana) 101_a class of Professor Lane.. If you are in this class its because you have serious issues with babbling at the opposite sex, awkward silences, and or you stalk them while creating elaborate fantasies of happily ever afters.

All assignments/Projects are mandatory.

**Lesson 1 **– Men and women are created equal. WRONG..not when it comes to wooing. Its not all fair in love and war between the opposite sex. It's work.

**Flirting -**

For a guy, it needs to exude confidence. Coy will only make you look like a sissy man. So don't. Nothing more unattractive then a guy trying to use what really only works for a girl.

Confidence does not include caveman behavoir. It simply means that the girl isn't worried that two seconds into the conversation you're gonna do a runner. That you mean what you say.. you can always advance to suave once you cover basic confidence.

Now while the caveman attitude is unwanted it isn't to say that a bit of forcefulness and even light manhandling can't be sexy..or sweep a girl off her feet. But again, Smallville, hold off on this till you cover the basics. Don't need you getting charged with assualt and battery because of bad flirting.

**Communication -**

I would give advice on lines you use but really I am not concerned with you on that, since you're such a boyscout. However, don't babble. Stay focused.

Don't be a total dick and let your mind wander. A guy who listens to what you are saying is priceless. Girls eat it up..but don't think we don't notice when it's just a show. Eventually, if not right away, we know.

Stalking is not a form of communication. While nothing is wrong with watching from a distance while you get your bearings, spying only leads to a life long stay behind bars.

So I suggest you talk to a girl rather then resort to what is extremely unattractive.

You have an assignment. I want you to try to woo a girl that ISN'T Lana.. and go a week without spying on her. Do you think you can do that?

- Professor Lane

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**Re: PROJECT

Are you seriously thinking I am going to do this assignment? Also, Lois , I do not spy! I actually happen to like astronomy. Nor do I stalk Lana. I 've hardly seen her in the last few days.

I am trying real hard to not feel insulted at this lesson.

NOT DOING THE ASSIGNMENT!

- Clark

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Do it or suffer!

Come on! Every quarterback needs a blonde hanging off his arm. Especially a smart one of the non bimbo variety. You are so blind, Smallville, you really are. I guess I am going to have to plan another lesson.. and if you continue to ignore the assignments I suggest you learn to sleep with your eyes open.

You don't spy? Hahaha Clark i've caught that telescope pointed in the direction of a certain brunette's house. Unless, of course,'liking astronomy' is a new eupheimism for 'spying on pretty girls' . Which even if it is..it still means I'm right. Actually, I'm right regardless.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**NO!

Let me think on this. Hmm.. wait. NO! I'm not going to find a girl to apply this lesson to, nor will it be on Chloe if that's what you were hinting at. I love her as my best friend, so lets leave it there okay?

If you really looked through my telescope like you claim, then you'd have found it pointing at the sky, Lois. Maybe poke around the bookshelf next time you get nosy and you'll see that I have books on the subject.

Oh, Professor Lois, I'm reminded that I meant to ask. Do you know what a spell checker is? Your last two emails have needed it.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: NO!

What do you mean do I know how to use a spell checker? What are you the spelling Patrol?

Pull the tractor out of you rear end and just do the assignment! Live a little. Jeeze you would think I was asking you to do the worst thing in the world. Most guys would love an excuse to ask a hot girl out. Maybe your obsession with 'astronomy' has addled your brain. Because something definitely has.

Oh, I'm coming down for her birthday and your barn is a good spot for a party.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: NO!

Lois, we can't have a party in the barn. Why are you not planning this for at the Talon? I am sure Lana would like to help.

I'd offer to give you a tour of the stars, just to prove I use the telescope for what its meant for, if I didn't think you'd try to read something into that.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Tour of the stars?

I don't know whether to gag or laugh at your offer to tour the stars with me. You're right too, of course I am gonna read something from it. I mean really, Smallville, it sounds like some sorta line. Haha.. that's another lesson plan right there.

Tour the Stars.. sorry Smallville, as much as I am flattered, I am not interest in being your next astronomy project.

As for Chloe's birthday party. Clark, Hello! How can it be a surprise party if its at the talon? This is why the barn is a good place. She won't expect it there. Where you even listening to me when we talked about this?

This lack of listening is exactly why I included it in the lesson.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Tour of the stars?

Lois, you couldn't pay me to give you that sort of tour any more then you could to take one of your lessons.

I was listening, but we planned it months ago before I had arrangements made to meet with the rep from Princeton. It can't be at the farm so don't think it Lois, and being a surprise party doesn't mean it can't be a the talon.

Chloe, I think would appreciate it more if she was around the smell of coffee.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**no subject

You know I thought since I've come to your hick town that I've experienced enough in the quota of bizarre. But this takes the cake. How often do you deal with witch possessions? The one possessing me couldn't have been that bright, and she must have been a little slutty, because that dress was way to short.

I am still expecting you to fill me in on what happened you know. I don't like this whole lack of memory thing.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: no subject

Lois, there is nothing to tell. You, Chloe and Lana showed up possessed, acting a little weird, then the next thing I know its the party from hell. I still have to figure out how I explain it all to the rep. I think Princeton is off the list.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Hell

Party from hell includes a lot, Smallville.

I don't remember a whole lot but I am pretty sure you were in your boxers at one point. In fact I am sure of it. What else happened? God, please don't tell me that slutty Sabrina flirted with you? Or did anything else just as bad.

Sorry about the rep and remind me to never ask you to wrap a gift again.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Hell

Considering, I already know you like it when you think I am looking you over, I find it funny that it would have been bad if 'Sabrina' had of flirted with me. Especially since you know nothing would have happened between us. So why the worry? As far as doing anything else bad..I don't think so. I saw you dancing with a couple of guys but that's it.

Despite being a bit goth I didn't think the dress was that bad.

I did warn you I wasn't good at wrapping but as usual you were to busy barking out orders.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: Hell'

OH God, kill me now! I did flirt with you. And that's the last time you'll ever get a view of the twins so count yourself lucky Smallville. You are such a perv.

Also, I am not worried, appalled is more like it. I can't believe that the witch had a thing for plaid. Sad really, you two time crossed lovers could have indulged yourself together in the flannel fetish. Aww .

Though knowing your luck, in her own body, she probably fit the stereotype for witches. Big mole, bent nose.

I think I'll skip next weekend, I need a break from all things weird.

- Lois

P.S. You're not off the hook on Lessons from Professor Lane. You really need help.

*ஐ*

Feedback is cookies..or change to keep a starving artist going :D


	5. Practice,Flannel and Pain

**A/N: **I tried my best to touch on the events of Pariah and its affect on their relationship with respect. Hopefully its good.

It will be interesting to see the flipside of this with Recruit. :)

Mostly self edited so usual disclaimer applies.

**Season 4 Continues...**

**Practice, Flannel and Pain**

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**:'(

Still avoiding me? Clark, I am hurt ..very hurt. I thought we had a better relationship then that. I am still expecting you to do that assignment.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: :'(

Do you actually think, Lois, that I can just walk up to any girl and do the assignment? As you so often have pointed out, this is Smallville. A small town.

Besides, I thought you were taking a break from all things weird.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: :'(

So.. go to Granville. As if that would hurt you. Not as many people know you and I am sure there is some pretty blonde you can practice on. I swear I heard you mention to your dad that some Tracey was a nice girl.

I am taking a break from the weird. Are you putting yourself in the same category Clarkie? Aw, you really need to buck up that self esteem there champ. Can't win the girls if you see yourself as weird. :D

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **uh no..

I am not even going to continue the 'weird' conversation.

Lois, Staceyis like in her 40's. And I said I thought Stacey was a nice lady. How you got 'girl' from that I don't know. While I am sure she'd be flattered by the attention, as she says I am cute, she has a son only a few years younger then me. So it would be at the least..creepy.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: uh no..

Okay, so Stacey wouldn't work. You don't go for older woman I guess huh? ;)

Hmm..Oh, at that little grocers was that tiny blonde, kinda like another tiny blonde we know, who I think thought you were cute. Personally, Ithink she is a little crazy but obviously for this assignment to work someone has to find you desirable.

Smallville, the only thing weird about you is your obsession for flannel.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: uh no.

Two things Lois, one.. no matter how many hints you throw out there, I am not going to try this on Chloe. Nor Candy. She's a bit.. let's just say she isn't my type.

Two, for someone who thinks that its weird others would find me desirable, you seem to want to spend a lot of time with me and give me loads of attention. Its a little ironic don't you think?

Oh and I'm not the only one who likes flannel.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re:re: re: uh no.

Do you honestly think I desire you? Whatever Smallville! No, I just enjoy tormenting you. That is all. You're like free cable, an all in one farm boy sports package.

I also love how you say you're not doing this assignment and yet discussing options of who to practice on. Truly that is ironic aspect of all this.

Not the only one to like flannel? No, you're not. There are let's see oh..lumberjacks and.. mostly yeah its just lumberjacks.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **no subject

I wasn't discussing options. I was simply pointing out that your suggestions wouldn't work if I did do the assignment. Which I am not.

You know what Lois? Consider yourself cut off from your free entertainment. Think of it as your own assignment or better yet a challenge, can Lois go a week without having her 'Clarkie' fix?

Also Lois, I wasn't referring to lumberjacks. I was actually thinking of a certain girl who likes to invade my space and steal my clothes.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **You are gonna lose!

Fine you're on! This won't take any effort plaid man, I don't need a Clarkie fix. Its going to be you missing meby the way. In fact, I bet before the week is out you'll need me.

Oh I will only do this challenge on the condition that you have to do the assignment if I win. No more weaseling your way out of it.

Sleeping in your shirts Smallville, only means I like sleeping in flannel. It doesn't mean I have an obsession with it. Unlike you it doesn't compirse of most of my wardrobe.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re:You are gonna lose!

Need you? Highly unlikely. So okay from today till next Thursday. Not one email or you lost the challenge.

And since I know you'll lose I can deal with the conditions. Talk to you in a few days Lois :D

By the way, I think you meant comprise. Spell check Lois! it doesn't actually hurt.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: You are gonna lose!

Okay okay..so I am breaking the silence and losing the challenge. But I just had to say.. What were you thinking? Alicia? Vegas? Marriage?

Smallville, you are the oddest farm boy i've ever known. What are you going to do next? Join a motorcycle gang. I can picture it now a leather jacket with a plaid patch sewn on the back. haha.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: You are gonna lose!

Its a little complicated Lois. I can't really go into it but no,no motorcycle gangs. This hasn't been some sort of walk in the park for me.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**nosubject

I bet it hasn't, Ma and Pa must be pretty ticked. No worries Smallville. I've been down this road in my own way. Though getting hitched was not one of them.

Where you on drugs by chance? Though I figure you'd probably have to be drugged to be on drugs, atleast willingly.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: no subject

Can we drop the subject please Lois, for once?

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Poke

Sure.

Oh, I know you've been hiding in your barn the last few days but perhaps you might think about coming out and joining the human race. Karaoke night tomorrow night!

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: Poke

I don't sing Lois. So not so sure what the point would be.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: poke

Does there half to be a point? Besides, Chloe and I can never notsing. You have to come just for that..I promise it will be entertaining :D

Who knows? You might actually have fun and widen your musical tastes all at the same time.

Shocking idea I know..

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: poke

Ha ha Lois. I might come, I'll think about it.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Hey.. : )

Hi Clark,

Just wanted to see how you were doing. Chloe said you've been kinda down since...well, you know. I know I'm not the best person for this sorta thing and God knows I tend to put my foot in my mouth.

I just wanted you to know that I've been where your at. Not the exact same circumstances, but I lost someone I cared about and I had tried to help.

Since I am not very good with the whole words and empathy thing, I'll just tell you what happened and if you do ever just want to talk, you know where to find me. I promise to not bust your chops.

Right after I had turned 15, my dad had gotten a transfer order. We ended up in this little army base. I have to say I didn't think I'd make any friends as quick as I did. First day, I met this girl named Maggie. She was a lot of fun and we became inseparable, although I never went to her house and when she went home, it was always on her own. I should have clued in then that something was wrong, but I didn't, not at first.

Then one day, she came over and I saw the first sign. It was the beginning of summer at the time and the first real warm day. I mentioned going swimming and she balked. Being nosy like I am, I had to know why and found that she had bruises all over her. Usually hidden by her clothes.

I just assumed it was her dad. It wasn't far fetched because he was known for his temper. And sometime in those communities, people don't say anything. You'd think they would, but they don't. Anyway, I made a stink and a fuss on behalf of Maggie, no one really listened to me, said Maggie was difficult and needed a firm hand as she was often in trouble.

Maggie never seemed upset about my help or even what was being said about her, but she kept insisting it wasn't her father. I didn't really believe her, but I couldn't get her to tell me who it really was.

One day she didn't come over like we planned. So I went to her house. Maggie was in bed, she had gotten beat up pretty good. I made her go to the medical center when she coughed up blood. Turned out she had a few ribs, amoung other things, broken.

Everything exploded. I never got to see Maggie really after that. Her dad was put through the ringer as they investigated him. At the time I was happy, because I believed she'd be okay. Then three weeks later, Maggie disappeared and it couldn't have been her dad because he had been deployed before hand.

She was found two days later.

I'm not one for crying, but I did then. Maggie deserved better than that and when it came out who had been hurting her and killed her, I wanted to hurt them. I never told anyone that before. Not even the General knows what I had actually been planning. It never came to pass. Lucky for me, there were too many obstacles in the way.

Like I said, I know its not the same nor will it take away the pain of how you feel. But maybe it will help to know you're not alone.

I'm coming down this weekend, so I'll be around if you want to talk.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Hello!

The whole thing in the barn last night..was just to torment me with awkward silences. I've told you I don't like them!

Just for that I'm working on a new lesson plan.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Hello!

Lois, you did offer to be there. I told you then I didn't really have anything to say so I don't know why you decided to torture yourself. I was doing my chores so I am sure I could have survived without you.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: re: Hello!

That's the thing though isn't Smallville? You really do need to you know..talk. Chloe would be happy to listen if you don't want to spill it to me. Bottling all that up can't be good. One day you're gonna explode and I don't want to be picking pieces of farm boy and flannel out of my hair.

Question..if you weren't doing chores does that mean you would have needed me?I find the way you worded that interesting.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: Hello!

Lois, I am thankful for you offering to be here for me. And what you said and wrote, it has helped and If i ever need to talk, Chloe or even you will know. So don't take this the wrong way but isn't there someone else you can drive to distraction?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: : )  
><strong>  
>Okay...Okay.I can take a hint. So I'll leave you alone..for now. Seriously though..talk to someone.<p>

Smallville, there is only one you and no one else will do for driving to distraction :D Feel special.. you are ;)

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: : )

Gee Thanks Lois! You are too kind..

ஐ / ஐ

Feedback is like Martha Kent cookies or Lois Lane muffins (s10) ..so please feed me


	6. A Mistaken Case of Flirting

**A/N: **As I write these I never know where its going to take me despite any general plans i have. So this ended up being a bit different then i planned.. Didn't fit in Krypto like i wanted but that's okay as its a good place to start next time as Lois college time is now done. Hope this is enjoy!

Self beta'd as usual and probably extra worse then normal as I am really sick.

**Season 4 Continues...**

**A Mistaken Case of Flirting**

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Go Smallville!

Well..well..well Smallville I heard about the 'attempt' you made. I wish I had of been there to see it so I'd know how to grade you. I guess I'll just have to do so based on what I was told. Oh Man you have no idea how happy you've made me Smallville!

Professor Lois

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: Go Smallville!

What? What attempt are you talking about? Grade me?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: Go Smallville!

The flirting you did at the talon with someone other then Lana. I've been told you practically fell all over yourself talking to her.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **what?

What?..no Lois, first off I tripped. Second I wasn't flirting! and who told you?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: what?

You don't have to be shy about it Farmerella. I am real proud that you made the attempt though from the story I am told I'm going to have to give you a C+. Just because you failed to communicate properly. Apparently you drooled a bit too.. not so good for the image you were trying to portray.

ஐ

**FROM: **ClarkKent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: what?

? Lois, I think you are making this up. I said Hi to a girl I bumped into, then slipped on the wet floor I think, not exactly sure what made me fall over but it was definitely not me trying to flirt. I can just fine you know. Also I didn't drool!

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: what?

According to my source (who isn't Chloe) you more then said Hi. Then suddenly went a little green around the gills and fell all over yourself, apologizing the whole time. What I would have paid to have seen this. I've also heard that you've had this fumbling and tripping issue before when around girls you like.. doesn't seem so far fetched to me now.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: re: what?

I don't know who your 'source' is but they don't know what they are talking about. Give it up Lois, I'm never going to practice your lesson. Period.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: re: re: what?

Oh I don't know. I am sure with the right incentive we can get you to practice it one more time. Besides this is for your own good, Lana has moved on to other pastures and you..you need to broaden your horizons. Try out one of the other flavors out there.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: re: re: re: what?

I was never practicing in the first place and flavors? What are we talking about? Ice cream?

Look I'm fine, I don't need to try anything out. Give it a rest Lois.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **The denial king strikes again..

Its not my fault you tried and failed, so don't blame me. Denying it won't do you any good Smallville, you bombed on that one and now its time to own up to it. Give what a rest? You owe me!

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: The denial king strikes again..

Again, I didn't even try. I just said Hi and tripped. Why am I even discussing this with you? You lost the silent challenge Lois and I don't have to do the assignment. Nothing you say is going to make it happen and how do you figure I owe you?

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: re: The denial king strikes again..

Do I really need to list why you owe me? You're a guy that right there is enough. And you have to do this assignment! Smallville, its for your own good. What kind of person would I be if let you become a full on stalker when I could have stopped it?

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: The denial king strikes again..

A list? Lois if anyone should be making a list on transgressions its me. I know it was you who took the last cookies that was marked for ME. And I DON'T STALK!

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Aww..cookies

Those cookies did not have your name on them and it wasn't my fault the little sticky note got lost. Jeesh Smallville.. are you channeling your inner two year old or what? And yes you do stalk. I am sure you give it another name in your mind but you do.

I've got a new nickname for you. How about we call you Farmer Stalkie McClarkie. Actually you have no choice in the matter as I quite like it.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Aww..cookies

You call me that and I'll show up at your dorm with a lesson on how to improve class attendance.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Stalkie McClarkie

Oh wow, I'm so scared of Stalkie McClarkie. What's he going to do to me? Show up and look dumb? That won't take any effort.

You don't know where my dorm room is anyway. But wait..that means you'll have to put your stalker skills into effect and prove my point!

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Stalkie McClarkie

Don't think I won't do it Lois! I'll even wear my most worn out plaid and shredded jeans and that straw hat you despise in the barn. I'll tell people I'm looking for my girlfriend Lois Lane.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: re: Stalkie McClarkie

You don't have the balls to do it! Stalkie McClarkie..Stalkie McClarkie

StalkieMcClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkieStalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie StalkieMcClarkie Stalkie McClarkie StalkieMcClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie Stalkie McClarkie!

Use to it yet?

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: Stalkie McClarkie

Wanna bet? How about a taste..you've been itching to see my bad side.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Dead man emailing

OH that is not funny! How in the world am I suppose to explain that phone call? You are so dead Clark!

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Dead man emailing

Real mature Lois! Thankfully I've learned to check emails with pictures in them from you at home. What are those pictures suppose to mean anyway? The one is almost pornographic Lois!

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: re: Dead man emailing

Pornographic? I could do much worse if you really wanted and what do you think it means Clark? Do I need to spell it out for you? S.T.I.C.K Y.O.U.R H.E.A.D U.P Y.O.U.R A.S.S.. get it now? Do anything else like that again and I'll repay the phone call favor.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: Dead man emailing

I wouldn't have had to call if you had just taken me seriously, don't call me Stalkie McClarkie and I won't have to do anything else.

Oh and Lois.. nice to see you can spell. Now just take that skill and use it to click the little abc icon. Its how the rest of us spell check. Might save you loads of trouble. Might even get a higher mark on your assignments.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Tight Ass

What bit you Smallville? The mean bug?.. low man. Real low.. That's fine, because atleast when I got to bed at night I don't need an Elmer Fudd night light to keep me feeling safe. I wonder what Lana or Chloe would think if I told them about your stuffed bugs bunny. Did it make you feel safe and sound? Didn't think I knew about that one did you?

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Tight Ass

Its called having childhood memories, Lois. Atleast I had a stuffed animal..what did you have a cuddly tank? Maybe a bazooka? Nothing says childhood like a stuffed version of a deadly weapon.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: re: Tight Ass

I'm impressed Smallville you give as good as you get. Do your ma and paknow you have this mean streak? Now I have a busy week ahead so don't think we're finished with this. Though perhaps when we do talk again you'll be over your man period.

Oh and the cookies.. yum..you're mom really knows how to work the fudge. Soft and gooey..melt in your mouth. MmmMmm. Gotta say when I think about it I can understand your grief over those cookies.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**How are you?

Lois you alright? You were a little unnaturally quiet when I dropped off from the hospital.

Just wanted to make sure.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**re: How are you?

So you wanted me to talk your ear off? I thought considering you saved me it was my way of saying thanks. You by the way have impecable timing. Which is amazing within itself considering how flaky you can be.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong>

**SUBJECT:**re:re: How are you?

You're welcome Lois, I'm glad you're okay and what do you mean flaky?

And it's spelled impeccable Lois.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**Flaky Kent

Clark sometimes you just disappear into thin air, or like not show up. I don't even hang with you all that much and I see it. I once thought Chloe was exaggerating but you really are that flaky. Of course Chloe didn't call it that, but she is too nice.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: Flaky Kent

The only one exaggerating anything is you and technically you don't 'hang' with me at all.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>

**SUBJECT:**re: re: Flaky Kent

This be true. I don't 'hang' with you..I grace you with my presence. You are so blessed Smallville.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re: re: re: Flaky Kent

right..Lois, if you truly wanted to bless me you wouldn't sit in the barn and critique how I do farm chores. The best thanks you could give me is to show up for your classes, graduate and move far away.

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong> Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT:**no subject

You can't get rid of me that easily Clarkie. Besides one day you'll miss me when I am gone.

ஐ

**FROM:** Clark Kent  
><strong>TO:<strong> isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT:**re :no subject

I highly doubt I'll miss you bossing me around and giving your opinion of everything under the sun.

Stop calling me Clarkie, Lois!

ஐ

**FROM:** Lois Lane  
><strong>TO:<strong>

**SUBJECT:**re: re: no subject

Smallville, one day I will be gone and who will be there to liven up your life? No you'll miss me. Mark my words.. You'd be half a man without me ifI ever left, eventually you'd wither away and die.

Though if I left now it would be like..half a boy wouldn't it?

P.S. You're right about the thank you. So next time I drop by I'll give you my own special thanks in person.

* ஐ *

I could do with some of my own Martha Kent cookies right about now but I'll take the feedback sort

I may have more up by next weekend if being ill is stumping me on my other updates.


	7. Sneezing is a Sign of Love

**A/N: **Thanks for all the suggestions, comments, and patience. R.L has been a real pain in my backside but I hope the wait was worth it. Also a big thanks to Victoria for listening to me whine and also pre-reading some of this.

Self edited..and some mistakes are on purpose.

* * *

><p><strong>Part 7: Sneezing is a sign of Love<strong>

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **all your faullt!

I feel like I got ran over by a train Smallville. and it's all ur fualt. somehow I will get back at u four this. trying to decide if it would be best if ur demise should be slow or slow.

Going to kill Clark,  
>Lois<p>

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **Re: all your faullt

huh?

Lois, what are you on about? Why are you emailing me when you are upstairs in my room and we just talked a bit ago? and I'm not even going to comment on how that email looked.

btw, what is the point of trying to decide if both ways are slow?

Thinks Lois has lost it,  
>Clark<p>

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Re: Re: all your faullt

The dog..you know the one u wanted to name crouton. it's ur fualt. I'm uphere with my sinus' pounding and laying in this akward position trying to type. I can't go near her without sneezing my bians out.

there r dif types of slow, dog boy.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **He's called Shelby.

bians? Was that suppose to be brians? But then when did you get a brian?

You wanted Shelby too Lois.. and it wasn't crouton. It was Krypto. I know you know it wasn't crouton. Who'd name their dog crouton?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: He's called Shelby.

brain.. its brain. ur starting to sound snippy again Clarkie. Now see that would have been the perfect name. It's just a pitty ur so touchy about sharing a name with man's best friend.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: He's called Shelby.

There was no way Lois I was going to share a name with a dog. Shelby is a nice name and just don't go near him if its such a problem.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **She

Go near him? Smallville, she follows me around evrywhere! I only escaped this last attack by holding upin here. I cant take anymore sneezing. its like having the plague in the form of a furry shadow looming over me.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: She

I think you're being a bit dramatic Lois. Shelby is hardly a plague. The dog likes you and despite what you say I think you like him too. And Shelby is a boy, something else you know and keep acting as if you don't.

Why don't you take something for your allergy?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: She

Shelby is a dog Smallville. I really don't see him/her/it caring about what i call it/him/her.. besides consdering that all these girls fllw you around like you are the farmboy model of the year, I think 'she' works for Shelby. Who also follows you around.

And i tried some.. the last allergy tablets weren't any good. That dog has like a super power i swear. I need to go to the pharmacy. If i try and drive right now though i'll end up sneezing and probably hitting something.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **?

Don't you hit things anyway? for example dogs.

What do you mean follow me around? Who follows me around!

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **thicky Kent

I'm not that bad Clark. Its not like i make a habit of it.

And folow you arund, Smallville you are so dense sometimes. This is why we need another lesson with prefossor Lane. You serisouly haven't noticed the way girls r with u? Sometimes I've wondered if it's a smalltown thing, Or maybe you put out some sort of strange smell that affects them.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: thicky Kent

You can skip the lessons, I'm not ever doing the assignment. I still have no clue why you think girls follow me around. Technically aren't you always hanging around? For someone who thinks I'm weird you seem to want to be around me alot.

Oh and Lois, you drive like you're a race car driver getting stung by a swarm of bees. Besides, the not making a habit isn't what you said when I looked over your car.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re:re: thicky Kent

Puhlease.. Smallville, one day you will love the lessons of professor lane. I can see it now. You'll be at my door asking me for advice. Vanilla gets old fast. You're dreaming if you think I follow you around. I'm just stuck with you as you are my cousins best friend. Not to mention I like your folks.

It's call an expression. As in a saying, I didn't actually mean I made a habit of hitting people or dogs.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **hit 'em Lane

Lois, I've never heard that expression before. You forget I've been in the car with you. I've had flashes of my life pass before my eyes.

If I want romance advice I won't be going to you.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Missionary

Now who is exaggrerating. You make it sound like i can't drive straight. The real problm is you drive like agranny and think everyone else should. Big city drivers would eat you alive Smallville.

I'm literally laughing up here when it comes to how u think u won't be coming to me. You don't even know anyone else that can give you the adfvice u need. With how your built and the way girls melt at you puppy eyes you could really sweep a girl off her feet and right on to some counter surface. Its a pity at the rate ur going u'll waste all that potiental with courting and missionary positions.

Might start calling you Mission Position Clark.

ஐ

_**(5 mins later)**_

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: Missionary

I'm not sure where to start with that last one. First I don't drive like a granny. I just believe in surviving to see another day.

2nd, I think you have given this way to much thought. Do you fantasize about me Lois? and i'm going to avoid commenting further on parts of that because i pictured my parents, who i admire, and thats just wrong. the thing is why does it matter if i waste potiental when you don't like me?

I have to ask this, though i'm sure i'll regret it. Do you want to teach me first hand? Because this is the impression i'm getting.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **No Way!

OMG You have got to be kidding me?.. Okay I'll give advice because I believe in putting poor creatures out of their misery and shooting you isn't an option. But really.. teach you first hand..no way. Also ew on the picturing your parents.. yeah thats jsut wrong. I also have NOT fantaized about you.. thats even worse then imagining your parents. You are realy distrubed.

Well since i'm to sneezy to surive another day if i drive how about you go get my meds for me Mr. Grannyslow.

Do i take it that you like my new name for you? Mission Position Clark.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: No Way!

I'm not sure I can be bothered to drive up and get anything for you. Calling me names isn't very persuasive Lois.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **big baby kent

Gee how nice. I'm willing to help you by giving u advice that could improve your future love life and running to the pharmacy is such a hard task because I called you a slow poke. Or was it the missionary one that got to you. Don't take it like an insult..its encouragment. Meant to push you out of your comfort zone.

Please Smallville. If i drive I will die from a sneeze attack. You wouldn't want that on ur conscious now would you?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **not doing it.

Lois, I don't feel very 'encouraged'. Nor do I believe you will suffer some sort of deadly sneeze attack. You won't be anywhere near Shelby while you're driving.

I have a nickname for you now. The exaggerator. Maybe not as creative or as 'encouraging' as your nicknames but I feel it's very accurate.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **no subject

Fine Lois, I'm going to get your meds. I see you are willing resort to using my mom against me. Two can play at that game.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **?

What game? she was checking on me and asked me if i needed anything. I only suggested that maybe the big strong farm lad son of hers could go get my medicine for me. Your mom is very sweet Smallville. I really don't understand what happened to you.

by the way Mission Position Clark, the exaggerator sounds like some sort of tabloid. really..not very creative. Do i need to give u lessons in this too?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **aww

Aww Clarkie.. you afraid to see me in person now? Big bad Lois gonna bite poor defenseless farmboy? Oh wait its got to be the mission position.. still picturing your parents are we? So sad. Well thanks any how. I got my meds so see you at dinner.. maybe then we can practise finding a better retort then 'exaggerator' hahhaha.

ஐ

_**(20 mins later)**_

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: aww

Lois you alright? there's an awful lot of thumping coming from my room. Oh, and dinner will be done in 15 mins.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: aww

I'm just peachy Clarkie. What thumping? i was changing. I think you got better hearing then shelby and thats sortta sad u know. I mean really clark. Do you like hang aroud just to see if i m making noise now.

Oh and the meds are great, i can sit up now. already feels better. Have i told u how muh i like this chair its really comfortable.

Dinner in ffit15 mins? whats for din?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: aww

Lois you don't sound okay. If you are sitting up now why are you still typing like that? I know spelling isn't your friend but trying to combine the word fifteen with 15 is unusual even for you.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **hahaha

haha.. oh man you are so funny when you get annoyed or worried. I find you pretty funny all the time really but even more so when u worry..did you know you get a funny crease in ur forehead. Like ur constipated or something.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: hahaha

Lois, I think your reacting to those allergy tablets. Do you need a drink? or do you need help with coming down for dinner?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: hahaha

Nah i'm good. I'm not gonna die from feeling better Clarkie worry the wort. haha.. worry the wort. You are though.. i've never known anyone like u uknow. How is it you can be so like.. i'm laid back farmer dude one min and yet like ur friggin atlast the next. You do realixe ur not carrying the world on ur shoulders right?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: hahaha

Atlas Lois. Atlas carried the heavens on his shoulders. And I really don't think you should come down here on your own even if I am a worrywort. Are you still getting dressed because you are making one heck of a noise. Dad is pulling faces.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **stupid dog

Aw, tell pops i said Hi. No i'm not still getting dressed. I don't know what cha hearing but its not me.

Damn it! I just sneezed. if the dog is hanging outside my room i'm gonna kill him.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: stupid dog

Lois, Shelby is outside. Since you are the only one upstairs the noise has to be from you.

I have a theory on why you're sneezing.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **bring it on..

A theory..this shouldbe rich. Okay, let's here it then Freud

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: bring it on..

You claim you don't like Shelby and sneeze because you are allergic. I think you sneeze because you like him.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: bring it on..

what the hell kind of theory is that? Now who is acting high on meds?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **Denial thy name is Lois

It's denial lois. You don't want anyone to know you like him, so you sneeze. I'm not saying you do it on puprose. More of a subconscious thing.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: Denial thy name is Lois

What? so sneezing is a sign i love Shelby? please. I admit to the fact she isn't a bad dog, kinda nice but I do not love shelby anymore then I want to have personal one on one hot counter sex with you. Just saying.. you are delusional. I'll stick with my meds.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **Thanks alot!

You do realize, Lois that you yelled out some of that. Thanks.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: Thanks alot!

Oops. I'm going to go to bed early.

ஐ / ஐ

Not gonna object to those cookies..

Good, bad..wat cha think?


	8. Siblings and Corsages

**A/N: **Not really in love with this set but here's hoping you all enjoy it more then I do. Thanks to Laura/LouLou for the suggestions on spam. :p:d

My Typical warnings on editing apply. I can't even sit up straight today so..

The first three emails are suppose to have spam pictures. Obviously I can't include them in here. So if you wish to see them check out my profile for the link to the Ksite version of this.

* * *

><p><strong>Part 8:<strong> Siblings and Corsages

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Hi

Look I found a picture of you - **pic of Elmer holding a gun**

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **HELLO!

Oh this one is even more like you. :D

**Pic of elmer crying holding dead bugs**

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Rabbit Season!

**pic of elmer looking at bugs with rabbit season sign**

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **No

Lois, I'm not chatting via emails so stop spamming me! I still getting strange looks from my dad.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: No

You really need to let it go and chill. I'm sorry okay! I didn't expect to have that reaction to an allergy med, alright? I did explain it to your parents.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: No

I remember I was there. It was worse then the whole shower incident. You know I'm not really sure if my dad was ever convinced on that and this? Now he might actually think you and I discuss sex, or worse. Why did you have to yell that part of it?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **get over it!

Well.. one, we sorta have discussed sex. Just not with the intention of doing it with each other. Two, I'm sure he really doesn't think that. Smallville there are worse things trust me. This isn't even anywhere near the top of my list for embarrassing things i've done.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: get over it!

Lois, when have we discussed sex?

And you don't have to do chores around him. He was throwing me looks in the barn earlier like he wanted to ask me something. It's bad enough that I've already had to have those sort of conversations with him, but to have a girl in my room ranting on about not wanting counter sex with me. ...

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: get over it!

Smallville, we've discussed porn, your love of mission positions, and vanilla. I think it qualifies. Oh, lets not forget the weird conversation at the Talon.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: get over it!

How could I forget.

I still think you invited her over just to make it all weird. And discussing my imaginary porn stash and apparent lack of physical creativity isn't exactly discussing sex.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **apparently

hahaha.. oh Clarkie.I love how you worded that "Imaginary porn stash' Yeah right. But even better is the "apparent lack of physical creativity". Okay, so lets examine this - 'apparent'. Now at first glance it appears you are implying that I think you lack creativity. But really when I think about it, I think you actually mean to say you lack experience, as in you have none. Clark Kent a virgin! Now i can see it with the wholesome boyscout farmboy thing but it surprises me as well. I'd have thought you've done it atleast once but somehow I don't think that's the case. No worries, Smallville, I won't say anything.

Only you could give so much away when defending yourself. haha..

Also, I'd like to point out that I didn't invite her over. I was trying to be nice. Which you claimed i didn't know how to. So in being nice I ended up inviting her over to our table. did you manage to totally forget that I also got rid of her?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: apparently

You read to much into what i say. And I didn't forget, I'm just thankful the girl was only visiting. I know what you were really trying to do Lois and I'll tell you again I'm never doing the assignment.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: apparently

Ignoring the subject isn't going to make it untrue, neither is pretending i'm reading to much into it. But again, Smallville, it's just between you and me. Besides its nothing to feel bad about. When you do get to that point just remember the door's of Professor Lane are open.

Seriously I was just trying to be nice. Remind me not to bother next time.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **you okay?

Lois you okay? I heard the door slam not to mention the yelling from the barn again.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: you okay?

Oh sorry about that. The General thought he'd give me another stripping down for Lucy, as if I don't feel bad enough. I keep wondering if he thinks I can some how make her appear if I wanted to.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: you okay?

Don't need to apologize Lois, I'm sorry you're still hearing it. I'm sure he knows you can't but is just upset still.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **so lucky

I know. I'm just still so angry myself at Lucy and that I fell for it again with her. You really are lucky you're an only child, Smallville. Siblings are more trouble then they are worth.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: so lucky

Lois you can't fool me. I know how much you care about Lucy. It's why your so angry. Like I said before you're a good sister, Lucy is lucky to have you.

I'd love to have had a younger brother or sister or even older I think. I use to imagine it. Almost did.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **?

What do you mean almost did?

Did Mr and Mrs. K try and adopt someone else? Or .. I mean you don't have to answer if you don't want too. I'm just curious cause you kinda brought it up.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: ?

No on the adopting.

My mom a few years ago lost a baby.

I just think, even though Lucy makes you mad and drives you crazy, you are still very lucky. I'm sure one day all this with her will settle down.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: ?

I wish I shared your optimism Smallville. Somehow I don't see things with Lucy changing so easily or her showing up anytime soon. I'm in it for the long haul with the General. A positive note is that eventually he'll see me as the 'good' one while she is like this. Not that it really gets me much but silver lining in there somewhere.

I'm sorry about your mom losing the baby. If you do feel like talking about it more I'm here. I can't promise I won't say something stupid but you know I can listen. I get the impression it was upsetting for you all. And as I've said before Smallville.. You doing an impression of a constipated Volcano isn't good for anyone, especially you.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **Really a constipated volcano?

I'm not going to erupt on this, don't worry Lois. You're right it was upsetting and maybe I'll talk about it someday. You've been a good friend Lois even when you say something stupid.

As for Lucy, I'm glad to see you thinking positive. It could be worse you know.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **yes a constipated volcano..you sometimes do look like one.

Worse? Are you suddenly like channeling me? Please don't ! its creepy. Stick to your usual naive optimistic but mopey self. Okay?

Now.. Good friend? Who said we're friends? Okay maybe that's where your optiomisim is coming in again. A little to hopeful there clarkie.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **no subject

You do realize you are sort of contradicting yourself. You've accused me of being broody, mopey, and the other day I think you used the words 'Hicksville introvert'. How can I be those things and a optimist? Seems off to me.

And, Yes Lois, you are a friend, you know this. We decided it the other day. Remember secret friends? Or is the secret so secret you apparently don't remember. Wait don't answer that because I'm sure you'll just pretend you have no idea what I am talking about.

Its okay though Lois I won't tell anyone. I won't even mention it again.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: no subject

I don't know what you're talking about with being friends. I think you dreamt that.

Oh and it may be a contradiction or maybe that should be an oxymoron? Maybe? Either way it is you. You are both the eternal optimist and the introverted farm boy who spends hours brooding in his loft. I don't know how you do it but it must be some sort of gift. Or maybe curse.

Personaly I think you just need to try those other flavours I keep telling you about. Some wild berry might just liven up all that vanilla extract you've acquired through the years, and low and behold a Clark Kent that makes sense :p

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **not doing it!

Lois would you stop with the metaphor's.. I still have no clue what you are on about or how flavours of any sort have to do with this. Nor am I going to do your assignment, I don't see how going out with someone is going to change how you see me.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **of course you're not it's the point isn't it.

How I see you isn't really all that important Clarkie. As I said, I believe in helping the less fortunate or putting wounded animals out of their misery. You, Clark, are just that. It's okay. I'm here and I think we can change how you view yourself.. And maybe land you some hot blonde :)

Why though you are so difficult about this I don't know. I mean really, Smallville, is asking a girl out that hard to do? Are you going to be one of those guys who watches the girl from across the room, giving puppy dog eyes and then go home every night to lick your wounds? Gee.. Stalking via telescope isn't enough? Well we atleast know you have it in you to be push the envelope.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **bye

I know how to ask a girl out Lois. But I don't have an interest in anyone right now. And for the hundredth time I do not stalk. I'm not going to ask Chloe nor am I a wounded animal.

Bye Lois, I'm going now.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: bye

Haha.. You so are a wounded animal. You'll be better off when you can see it. Okay McVoidance I'll drop it for now. I'm thinking we're due for another Professor Lane Lesson anyway. I mean even if you don't do the assignment I know you'll read it.

And not have an interest in anyone. What a lie.. You still have that obsession with a certain brunette.

_**And it's continued..**_

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **What the HELL!

You know I'm so sick of my body being hijacked! Is this how it's going to be from now on? Lois the number one desired property of all things capable of possessing. Maybe I should charge a freakin time share? Who wants a piece of Lois Lane's fine ass.

I'm blaming you for this by the way. How did you not notice I wasn't myself? In what universe would I put on that dress?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: What the HELL!

My fault? Lois, am I suppose to assume you've been possessed every time you do something I don't understand? I would be assuming it a lot if so.

And you weren't the only one possessed, my mom, Chloe, Lana, and myself. I still have flash backs to my mom singing with ice cream in the kitchen.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: What the HELL!

By now you should know that I don't wear pink like that. It's not to say I'd never were pink but.. Pink just isn't me. Nor have I forgotten where you pinned the corsage Clark. Did you think I'd actually drop that? You put your hands on me. I mean you must have to put it there. And not once did it cross your mind that I wasn't being myself. Wow! I can't believe you.

Also for the record, no I didn't forget. I remember Chloe clearly thank you! Not to mention the moment with your mom. Do you mean to say she was singing before I came downstairs? I wish I had of seen that part. Would have been so much better then enduring the suggestion of you and me doing it on the side. Your mom saying that is still branded in my head, I'm scarred for life.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **I'm scarred for life..

Try having the image of your mom singing "I wanna lala " on top of that suggestion Lois. I hardly think the idea of us should be that repulsive to scar you for life. But no worries Lois. I'm sure all Martian men are far away and long dead.

Oh and I didn't really touch you. I mean I did but not like that. Besides it wasn't my idea. I tried to get out of it but 'you' kept bringing my hand back up there and well. Atleast you don't remember it!

Don't worry on the pink. I'll note it down for future reference. So if you ever get possessed again I'll know what to look for.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **funny bones Kent

Haha..so funny Clark. For someone who wants me to call him my secret friend you really missed the mark there. I know how obsessed you are with the twins so I doubt you had to be forced all that much.

Ugh I feel so violated! This is worse then being possessed by witch that's four colours short of a rainbow. Oh and the cherry topping.. Stuck at the dance. Looks like you didn't make out to bad so I don't know why you are complaining. You got to dance with your obsession and touch my boobs. Pervert Kent strikes again.

My only consolation I think is you enduring your mom singing. Now that's funny! Poor Mrs K though.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: funny bones Kent

How did I miss the mark? Be fair Lois! I didn't touch your boobs Lois!

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: re: funny bones Kent

Why should I? and what do you mean you didn't touch my boobs? Did you or did you not pin the corsage on me? and was it not right over my breast?

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: re: funny man Kent

Chloe doesn't blame me. Despite the previous possession it's still not a normal occurrence here so expecting me to know isn't fair.

I can't help wondering if the tables had been turned if you'd have even known I was possessed.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Possessed Clark..haha

Are we talking in general? Or in this particular case? Because Dawn wouldn't have had a clue on how to be 'a guy' .. I'd have loved to have seen you possessed. I bet Dawn had you swinging your hips..well what stands for hips. Hahahhaa.. Oh man. Okay, I'll be nice. Fine your off the hook.

Only cause of the mental images i get from the idea of Dawn in your body. Though next time Smallville I expect you to be right on top of it.

Also to truly answer the question. In general, I'd have known in a matter of seconds it wasn't you. Mostly because I doubt who ever possesses you could be as mopey as you are. :D

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **My pillow Please!

Funny Lois.  
>Thanks for forgiving me. Now can I please have my pillow back?<p>

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd  
><strong>SUBJECT: <strong>re: My pillow Please!

Sure.. once you answer my questions about how is it you managed to avoid touching my boobs while pinning that corsage on me.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **re: re: My pillow Please!

I told you! I did but not like your suggesting. Lois it wasn't my idea. Doesn't that count for something?

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Slime ball Kent

You're kidding me right? You touch my boob, while I'm possessed no less and wearing that much pink, and you want credit because it wasn't your idea? Clark Kent you're never seeing your pillow again!

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **Momma's boy Kent

So now I am left to decide what sort of horrors I should visit upon you. Getting your mom to retrieve your pillow was low Clark, really low. I have every right to be disturbed by your growing obsession with my breasts. I have to live in this house with you and now you don't even have the balls to face me. Why? is that because you know you'll prove my point. Unable to resist staring at the twins.

ஐ

**FROM: **Clark Kent  
><strong>TO: <strong>isthisloveCoverdale

**SUBJECT: **not a momma's boy

Lois, the only one obsessed with your breasts **is you**. I had my mom get my pillow because I knew you'd never let me. Besides if I came up I bet you'd be wearing some really tight shirt or something just to make me look. That's not fair. Be disturbed all you want but you and I both know you just want me to be obsessed.

ஐ

**FROM: **Lois Lane  
><strong>TO: <strong>Elmerfudd

**SUBJECT: **re: not a momma's boy

Please! If i'm obsessed with my breasts it's because you've made me that way! You can pretend all you want Clarkie you don't like them but we both know you do. I'm keeping tabs now and one day you are going to have to pay up!

ஐ / ஐ

Okay, Like? Dislike?

And there is only one more set till we go into s5 :D So suggestions and things you'd like to 'see' folks! Comments are Martha Kent home made cookies..please feed me .


	9. Naked Theories and Cooking Bets

****A/N: ****Okay so I thought I'd be finishing off the season 4 sets with this one. But Clark and Lois kinda went down a different path then I expected..so um..not there yet :o. But hopefully you'll enjoy this lot.

Thanks goes out to Mike and Jim for pre-reading and giving thoughts and making sure I made sense. Having a summer bug and writing doesn't always mix well lol

This story can also be read on my new story blog (link on my profile)

* * *

><p><strong><strong>FROM: <strong>**Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****It's me.

Hi Clark Kent,

Yes, that's your name. I am your relationship professor. But don't worry we'll have everything sorted soon.

- Professor Lois Lane

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: It's me.

Lois, I know who you are. I've not lost my memory again. Nor am I doing the assignment. What is it with you and this persistence? And why would you think if I had lost my memory I would even do it. It really wouldn't be high on my priority list.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: It's me.

Why not? I think having a good relationship should be high on everyone's lists. Especially naive farmboys who actually think I was serious. Well I am serious on you doing the assignment but it's called teasing Clark. I was teasing you.

Though come to think about it you losing your memory again since I seen you at breakfast could happen. Who else could have amnesia twice in a matter of months? You never did explain how it happened the first time. I'm waiting Plaid Mcnesiac, how does a farmer boy lose his memory and end up in a corn field in his birthday suit? Don't tell me it's cause you were struck by lighting. Because your mom seemed to have been looking for you for longer then a day and I did my home work. Yes, only 10% of lightening strike victims die but 90% end up with injuries.. all you had was a memory issue. So what is the story?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****remember?

Lois despite statistics i can't tell you why i was okay. Or why i was in the field as I don't remember..you know amnesia.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: remember?

Amnesia is a lousy excuse for the things that go on around here. I wish I could use it as a handy excuse whenever I don't want to explain something.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: remember?

I'm not excusing anything. I simply cant tell you what happened. We had an accident at the farm and my dad was hurt. That's all I know. Sorry Lois no big conspiracy here. I'm surprised you're complaining considering that despite my limited memory I do recall you having a long look at me. And you say I'm the perv Lois.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****You're the perv..

Excuse me? Was I suppose to spin around and just leave you in the cornfield like that? Unlike you I actually tried to cover you up rather then pin corsages right above your manhood.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: You're the perv..

How many times do I have to explain that. Dawn didn't exactly make refusing easy Lois and I wasn't having fun. I didn't even want to go to the Prom. And using your logic was I suppose to assume that because you weren't yourself I should ignore you. We both know that if you had been yourself, and I didn't do what you wanted, things would have been messy.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: You're the perv..

Is this some sly way of remarking on the kitchen the other day. I'll have you know Clarkie that if you had minded your own business that wouldn't have happened. And I also was not to blame for the dough on the ceiling.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****Guilty conscious?

You weren't to blame? Funny considering how quickly you offered to help clean it up when my mom noticed it. Feeling guilty were you?

As for the kitchen. How do you get things so messy? It was a cookie recipe from a box!

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: Guilty conscious?

Not everyone can be Martha Kent. SO you can do better? The most I've seen you make is a sandwich. Which anyone can make themselves a sandwich. Have you picked up any of your mom's talent? BTW I really do love your mom and not just because she makes fantastic cookies.

Oh and I'm still waiting for a decent explanation on your lack of clothes or why you were in a cornfield.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: Guilty conscious?

We've been over this. I can't explain it. And I can cook fine thank you, my mom is a firm believer that I should know my way around a kitchen. I can even bake without getting dough on the ceiling or flour in kitchen drawers.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****hop to it Baker Kent

I'll explain my mess when you explain how you got naked in a cornfield. Since that's likely to be never I guess we're at a impass.

Okay, I want to see this Kent baking Jr at work. What cha gonna make me?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: hop to it Baker Kent

Make you? Who said I was going to make you anything? And you don't need to explain your mess. It's simple – Lois Lane bangs pots and pans, throws flour around and calls it cooking.

It's guess we're at an 'impasse'.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****pound cake

Oh I see. Okay well Clark Kent joined a birthday suit cult. However his farm boy naiveties got the best of him, not to mention guilt for secret porn stash. In order to get out of said cult pretended to be struck by lightening. Lets not forget that he missed his mommy.

Or more in par with the non verbal's around here.

The Kent family has some embarrassing secret. And Farmer John in his attempt to cover it up got himself stuck in one of those weird Smallville incidents (plenty to go around) and possessed then finds himself wondering naked in a cornfield. Pretends amnesia from lightening strike in order to cope with this embarrassment.

I'm thinking possession by the guru of some backwoods naturist group. I'm sure there must be some of that around here. Considering the weird I've seen since coming here nothing is out of the question.

And I'm in the mood for strawberry Pound Cake. :D

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: pound cake

Are you sure you're not smoking something Lois? Birthday cult and naturist guru possession? I have no idea what to say to that other then..completely wrong.

Not that I am going to make you anything but why pound cake?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****puhlease

I wish you could see my face right now. You would be seeing one of the best examples of eye rolls. Smallville did you lose your sense of humour in that last bought of amnesia?

Maybe if I clonk you on the head we can get it back. And of course you are making me pound cake. How else am I suppose to believe this story of you having skills in the kitchen.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: puhlease

Lois your theories were lame. If you could see my face you'd have seen the actual best example of eye rolling.

You still haven't explained why pound cake?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: puhlease

I can come up with a better theory, and they weren't lame just because you couldn't appreciate the humour. Gee Smallville take the thong out of your crack.

I like pound cake, especially with strawberries, which you will be making by the end of the week I promise.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: re: puhlease

No I won't.

Better theory like what?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****Welcome to earth

Yes you will.

Like this -

You are weird. This is a fact. You also seem to get involved in some pretty strange things, like you're some sort of magnet. Now if I believed in lets say..aliens I'd have to say you were one of them. I mean you are adopted right? (which also explains your mom's coolness and why you don't have it) I think your alien father or clan or queen (think like queen bee) came back for you and took you. Only more of that weird stuff happened and Clark Kent, farm boy alien some how failed at some sort of Alien thing and was deposited in a cornfield ala streakers delight and memory less. Of course you aren't going to admit to the whole alien thing. It's okay Clark.

I won't tell a soul, not that they'd believe me. I mean, yes, you are weird but those around here are just to use to weird. How many weird things have to happen before people decide they've had enough?

And yes I am serious. You can't tell me weird things don't happen to you or others around here. Not even a year goes by since I've been staying and I've been possessed TWICE. What are the odds for that?

Clark Kent is an allien. Explains so much :D Either that or you are the most unluckiest guy.

I bet you fifty that you'll make that cake for me by friday.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****no subject

Did my theory hit a nerve?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: no subject

Lois.. I'm not going to justify that with an answer.

And sure I'll take the bet.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****folding kent

:D:D:D:D:D Oh man.. I can't believe you actually caved! You made it two days and I find you in the kitchen with an apron no less. Yes definitely allien. Hahaha

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: folding kent

How does that prove I'm alien? (one 'l' in alien Lois)

Lois, I can deal with losing fifty if it means you'll shut up. How do you have the energy to keep that up and it's not funny by the way.

At least I got peace when you were shoving the cake down. Do you even understand the concept of peace? If anyone is alien it's you!

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****touchy touchy

Aww.. Is my Clarkie getting all touchy? Doesn't like being thought of as alien? Get use to it. You are a guy..by definition you are. I mean yes those stupid men are from mars things are kind of cliched', but lets be honest. Most guys are not from this planet.

Maybe it's the other way around though. Maybe every other guy is the alien and you are the earth guy. You and a select few others. The geeks and would be stalkers of this planet are native.. that would explain a lot too. Okay, I changed my mind on my theory.. you were abducted by the aliens so they can study how to make their men more 'normal'..

and it was funny. The looks on your face were priceless..well worth fifty bucks ..hahaha

(Gee spell patrol it was a typo!)

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****nonsensical lane

Your Clarkie?

How can I be 'weird' so I must be alien and yet 'normal' that the aliens want to blend in with guys like me?

Lois it wasn't funny. It was mean.

(well you had the same 'typo' twice)

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: nonsensical lane

It was funny and you know it! If it hadn't of been you it was happening to you would have been laughing. Are you seriously gonna try and tell me you've never pranked someone?

Oh and that's easy. See you are weird but your weird is technically normal for this planet. It has to be otherwise it means the a-holes of this world are the natives. Plus when I really think about it it would be to obvious for you to be alien.

'my' as in phrase don't read into it. Your head is big enough.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****re: re: nonsensical lane

I can't follow your logic. Maybe it's women who are alien. I also don't think it was just a phrase.

Yes, I've pranked before but doing that shortly before graduation is not cool. Do you realize I could have ended up with that colour hair for the ceremony?

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****chill out

Lighten up. You must have some sort of dye resistant hair cause it should have at least lasted a couple of washings. You would have been fine at your graduation.. well maybe slightly rosey hair but I think you could have pulled it off. :p

You aren't suppose to be able to follow my logic. Being both a carrier for the y chromosome and you, I wouldn't expect you to fathom my brilliant mind. Just know I have it all sorted out now and while I think you are a strange hick you are also 'normal'. This means I can rest easy.

You only wish it was more than a phrase.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Clark Kent  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__isthisloveCoverdale __

****SUBJECT: ****still lame

Lois your theories are not any where close to brilliant. I'm so glad you've sorted it out for yourself, just don't think I'll forget this.

ஐ

****FROM: ****Lois Lane  
><strong><strong>TO: <strong>**__Elmerfudd __

****SUBJECT: ****re: still lame

Ouch what a way to cut a girl down. However it doesn't matter. Only someone of my brilliance could understand my brilliance. I couldn't expect you to grasp it any more then a mouse would understand how a car works. Totally not within it's comprehension.

Please don't get depressed now Clarkie. I know how sensitive your ego is.

Forget what?

ஐ

Good? Bad? what cha think?


End file.
